Oh ugh. Dang it. First time I ever cried on a webcam viewing. But Ruki was too sleepy to notice, I think. I'm just so dang depressed this weekend. First day (Friday). . . I didn't even want to pull myself outta bed and face my computer. . . Second day (today) I took a lot of me time and it helped till I got online and started talking about it again with friends. I just don't think the net will ever be the same again for me. It feels tainted. . . >.> But we'll see. . . I guess. *sighs* I just wanna go lay down and watch TV where no one expects anything except for me. . . I think I'll do that. Even Ray isn't online to waste my time with, but like I told Ruki if I had to listen to him for a second night in a row, i'd prolly pull my hair out. He's nice enough when he wants to be but . . . just. . . gah. . . He's no. . . >.> Well. . . you know. . .

I'm just relieved I'll have like a whole evening offline tomorrow. I need it. Badly. Five hours of wrestling or so to just. . . have some mindless fun. . . And try not to think about things. . . TV is my only reprieve lately. . . Everything else feels as jaded as I do. Even my message boards are tainted. Every little thing. . . reminds me. . . of it. . . and i'm gonna go nuts if I don't get away from this little box I call a computer for a while.