Hm. Step one. . . To what? I'm not sure. . . I let loose. I admitted something on my mind for awhile. Now it all backfired in a way, i suppose. But I'll survive. That's the thing, I get hit. . . and I survive lol. People may wonder how I can but sheesh. Maybe I'm not the weak one. It takes a special kind of person. . . to have such a little impact emotionally in her own life. . . yet change so many other peoples' lives. In even the littlest way. Imagine life without one of your friends. Basically the way life goes is, every person you meet alters your life in one way or another. Be it good, or be it bad, you still notice some change. I dunno I'm in a sorta 'observing' mood right now O_o; I mean. . . just think lol. . . If I hadn't received that email from Devin a year ago. . . and, bored with my own chain of boards, went to what was then Infinite, I never would have met my Ray Ray. Or Foxy. Or MK. *raises an eyebrow* Hmmmmmmmm. Blah. SO weird. But. . . Whatever. O_O;;;;; Ack! LOL oh shoot me now. Please -_-;;;;;; I'm ticked off at a Keno 'friend'. Apparently she hit on Ted. . . and then turned around and hit on three other guys. . . and he confronted her on it. . . And they got into a huge fight I guess. Poor Ted. Well I think i'm going to bed soon. . . Want some sleep before wrestling and stuff tomorrow lol.
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*rubs eyes* Just when I think everything is cool, SOMETHING else happens. But that's life, right, screw it and move on? Frickin people. . . i see why I'm a recluse. MOST PEOPLE SUCK!!!! >.<;; Where's kleenoxes?

I Push my fingers into my eyes...
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache...
But it's made of all the things I am today...
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside...
If the pain goes on
Aaaaaaaah!

I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I've waited last, my time's elapsed
Now, All I do is live with so much fate
I've wished for this, I've bitched at that
I've left behind this little fact:
You cannot kill what you did not create
I've gotta say what I've gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise
I guess I'll save the best for last
My future seems like on big past
You'll live with me 'cause you left me no choice

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

Pull me back together
Or seperate the skin from the bone
Leave me all the Pieces, and then you can leave me
alone
Tell me the reality is better than the dream
But I found out the hard way,
Nothing is what it seems!

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the thing I am today
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane!
All I've got...all I've got is insane!

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I am today
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

Anyway I ranted to Charlotte. . . and i feel a little better. YES to Charlotte and if PEOPLE don't like it, they can screw off. I'll live my life the way I want to. Ack! Ted is heading for disastor if what I've heard is right >.< Oh nooooooo. . .

Points needed to beat Charlotte: 133,255

Eh. Ok fine. . . I bothered taking care of the food. . . and watching the house yesterday. . . and now the motherrrrrrr wants me to help her more around the house. Wth? How can I, WHY should I when she stays online all the time? And if she decides to read this today, fine. She deserves it. I talk to her enough, heck, I prolly talk to her too much. She just doesn't see that when I do talk to her, she should be glad I try at all. If she doesn't understand me, she should just leave me alone. Anyway on cheerfuller things, I hope my Ray ray is ok. He's learning to ride his bike today. O_o; And if any of the parents try talking to me about crap today, they are getting ignoreeeeeeeeedified. I don't even want to watch wrestling tonight now cause the old man will probably give me the "Be nicer to your mother" speech. Anyway. . . I missed UEM. . . Hmm. I'm webcamming with Fox. . . lol.
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Eh. . . Dad relasped. He's back in the ER. . . O_o; Poor guy apologized cause he couldn't order pizza or the wrestling. . .not that I really cared about that when he was sick and dizzy and stuff. Ack I scraped my foot getting a chair for him. . . Anyway I hope they find what's wrong with him and correct it. . . -_-; I don't want to go through three days of this. . . -_- Especially with everything else happening. . . -_-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; *smacks forehead* I wish Ray would come online. I'm lonely. I feel like spending the evening stuffing my face. Oddly enough. O_o; Ok I finally realized why I hate being home alone for so long like this. Because when it happens. . . it's usually because my parents or grandparents are in the hospital. O_o; x_x; Lol. Charlotte says I'm happy go lucky. . . Mom would have a fit if she heard that. . .

tadahmonqm: ACK Phone brb
Crzmama: ok hb
tadahmonqm: Back
tadahmonqm: Well. . . they're admitting him
Crzmama: figured they would
tadahmonqm: On the heart floor cause his vitals all dropped and were still down with they got there
tadahmonqm: So they wanna monitor him
Crzmama: actually id be raising hell if they hadnt
Crzmama: yeah
tadahmonqm: And they're gonna try to take him off some of his medicine
Crzmama: yeah
Crzmama: I dont think he has bronchitis though
tadahmonqm: And we'll just hafta see how he does by tomorrow
Crzmama: not unless hes been doing some serious coughing
Crzmama: they dont know whats causing it?
Crzmama: could be a build up of meds in his system but that should show on the blood work
tadahmonqm: Well he hasn't been coughing but the doctor said not all bronchitis is proven by coughing, that just the fact that he's been breathing raspily and stuff. . .
Crzmama: depends on what hes taking though
Crzmama: yeah but that could be something entirely different
tadahmonqm: Yeah I know
Crzmama: I think whatever is making his vitals drop is why his breathing is raspily
tadahmonqm: Yeah probably
Crzmama: when you said he was sweaty
Crzmama: was it a cool sweat?
Crzmama: or was it normal
tadahmonqm: Well he didn't specify.
Crzmama: when you touched him was he cold or did he feel normal but jsut wet?
tadahmonqm: I didn't touch him. . . I stayed outta their way so Mom could keep him from getting dizzier
Crzmama: cuz im wondering if he might have had a heart attack or gettig ready to have one
tadahmonqm: Like when she was rubbing him down with a wet washclothe.
tadahmonqm: I pretty much just stayed away so he wouldn't have something else to dodge and fall over
Crzmama: yeah
Crzmama: but it could be anything though gf
tadahmonqm: Yeah
tadahmonqm: Mom sounds like crap
Crzmama: hope they dont let him go for a few days
Crzmama: as in?
Crzmama: upset?
tadahmonqm: tired
tadahmonqm: And upset
tadahmonqm: Yeah

Ugh. . . -_-;; So yeah now I'm going to play Mahjong and giggle at my dragon till Mom comes home. I've been home alone almost five hours. . . Lonely? Me, never? Too bad Charlotte had to go offline though. . . O_o; Ray's on, finally. I needed my boy. He's keeping me grounded right now, keeping me from worrying about Dad, whereas Mom said they might put him on a pacemaker. . . Anyway I'm gonna post this and take a bath. . . I need a few minutes just to rest and relax and stuff. . . -_-;;