I hate Euchre. Ugh ugh ugh. I gotta write a Ken and Yolei scene for this next chapter, I guess. Oh ew. Omg. I don't believe the utter dumbasses I have met in my online time. There are tons of awesome people, yeah. But then you have the fools that don't deserve to be anyone's friends. All I can say is. . . I am not going to waste my time on any idiots any longer. They don't deserve my time. They don't deserve my effort. They do not deserve anything. ^_~ Ray hon the mystery is solved. I'll explain when I see you. Love you, miss you, see you tonight. ^_^ Be careful bike riding Saturday, please. I love you so much. . . and I miss you, ya know. . . Heh I realize that just now when I'm feeling pensive. . . and I dunno what's gonna happen. . . and I wanna cry cause things are screwing up again. . . I'm shakey. . . Dmn it only certain things make me act like this. . . I thought I got away from this. . . Does that make you happy? Huh? You got the result you wanted probably. You stressed me out. Again. Ty. I needed that. It's just awesome to relive old stress. We did something neither of us probably wanted to do. We emailed. We might end up doing it again in the future. But I have no plans on making this a daily thing. Sry if that disappoints you. Sure we were good friends at one point. But I dunno if it can be reachieved. Let's just close the chapter on this book and leave it at that. I hold no anger towards you. You'll make some person happy some day and everything'll be cool for ya. you might consider this 'unable to let it go' . . . but once i say this I really will. . . And yeah, apology accepted. . . just don't expect anything major cause of that. . . Maybe you don't realize why I made such a big deal over what you did. . . but it hurt me a lot more than maybe you'll ever know. I did seriously think of you as a sister. This might hurt you more now to read this but I just feel like getting this off my chest. When you told J what I did, it was like someone stabbed me in the back, or more accurately, my heart. Cause I trusted you with what I told you and didn't think you'd do that to me. Beside when I said what I said to John, it was just in a fit of anger and by the next night, I couldn't even remember saying it. I get like that sometimes. Everyone does. Now, onto writing up my site. I honestly don't regret anything. It took me back to that good place in my life, where i have a good guy. . . and I'm generally content. I dunno what I'd do without Ray. . . and Charlotte. . . and my parents. . . and Ruki. . . and the people that hold me together. And I am thankful for the past people that also helped in holding me together. I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!! Heh. It might not always show. . .but I do. . . and I love all my close friends. Thanks to all of you, hugs, kisses, much love. And Ruki, I want to doubly thank you for being there for me during all the bad times and I don't blame you for losing your temper with me when you did. I was so. . . weak then, it scares me to think of it. And I never want to be a doormat again. Sis, there has to be some middle ground between how you treat things and how I treat things. Lol. Thanks to Ben, too, who was a big help too. It's my Nickleback song. . . JJ from Keno also handles my teenage drama well too. Thanks, mf. You listen to me and am always supportive of me and I dunno what I'd do without that sometimes lol. Hardees is definitely on sometime in the future. Ray, I'd be no where without you right now. Watching Inuyasha with you night after night cheered me up in a way you dunno and it pulled me out of the awful slump I was in. When I think how I was this month compared to last month, I honestly wonder if it was the same life I was living lol. Just never forget. . . even when I don't act like it, hon. . . just talking with you makes my problems seem so petty. . . cause you make me so happy. . . i just forget them all. And I hope I do the same for you. ^_^; OMG I feel so light. . . after saying all this. Just thinking about all the people who ARE there for me. . . I feel so loved. Heh. ^^ Hopefully things will remain too dmn good and everything. =D This'll prolly have a ton of backlash come tomorrow. But oh well. Journals are for thoughts. .. and these are mine right now. ^_^ Now if I could get the nerve up to address another thing like this, I'd be freeeeee off all stress and . . . uh um uh. . . yeah. Add on to it prolly. LOL That's my luck. Sheesh. *stares vaguely at zing.com* Nah. . . *sighs* Night. . .
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This is gonna be an oddly busy weekend for me. Tomorrow Mom and I are going to go with Grandma to my great grandparents' gravesite. . . Then Sunday Dad and I (and maybe Mom.) are going to a movie. . . Then Monday of course we're going to Uncle Greg's. . . Yee, Memorial Day XD And I'm risking this error on my computer to download MORE Jericho videos. Dunno how I'll watch 'em though. . . Mom made a big deal out of me going out. . . but really I don't have to go out, I just want to. There's the thing. I *want* to. She mentioned taking me out shopping, heck no, I despise shopping. I have money but nothing to buy now. . . Ugh. OOH Mom's gonna get me a ring though! I hafta take a picture of it for later! ^_^ *goes to do that* . . . I'm cold. O_o; Can you believe I was sitting here trying to figure out why I want to go out tomorrow? sheesh. . . Guess I just want to get out cause it's a pretty day out. Ray, ^_^ Can't wait till tonight. I've missed you. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Hirika is on AIM. LMBO. Wth. . . She messaged me and I missed it. Oh well. *shrugs* XD I still feel oddly light today. So alive. Last night just seemed to clear things up for me. Made me want to feel more alive. I love living the way I want to and this is it. ^^; ^_^ ^-^ ^^ ^_^ *twitches* I dunno. I almost feel like taking all that about last night out. But I won't. Cause IMO I'm entitled to my feelings. And whatever backlash comes from it, well, I'll accept it. Well frick Neopets is down. YAY! 99x is having a 90s weekend! YAY! I took a bath during Guiding Light. . . but I did catch where Michelle woke up, ignored danny and went for Tony. Hmmmmm. Then Bill spotting Eden-- marvelous! I'm glad they let that happen, at least now he'll know she isn't dead. . . And hopefully he won't slip in front of Salerno. . . I slept through Young and Restless again. -_-; Time to pull out the big alarm clock O_o Ray, your earlish bed time tonight is fine with me-- i unfortunately have to go earlier too because Mom wants me to get up and get dressed and stuff by 8:30 AM. Heh. OMG 99x is playing RAP. LMBO aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! If they play Country, I'm gonna shoot myself O_o Eh well the trip tomorrow seems better-- Grandpa's coming too ^.^ OMG 411!!! rofl. You gotta come original. O_O I ain't heard this song in awhile XD OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG 99x I loveeeeeeeeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. . . *salivates over the 90s music playing* Alice in chains. . . *drool drool drool* Lol I think when Nejo and I are online at the same time tonight, we'll both be hyper. Cause I still feel overly content. Heh. Pearl Jam! ^-^ *yawns and stretches* Heh. METALLICA!!! I wondered if they'd play it. O_O; Hey. YZetc, you reading my journal now? I'm guessing it's you. =/ i know it's someone from the HA! message board thanks to my site meter lol. Wow 63 emails from Andrea have filled my Inbox up half way. Well time to delete some I guess. O_o; YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH My favorite Metallica song. <3 <3 <3 99x! Omg. . . OMG! OMGGGGGGGGGG. . . I ain't heard this song in forever. *tries to remember what it is* Oh. The Chemicals Between Us by Bush. Heh. Good stuff. ^^ This is a long, rambling post sorta lol. Usually I have pictures. . . or something. . . but this is just blah blah blah from me. . . lol. I still hate Euchre. Muchly. OMG I HIT 8! Eat that, Charlotte!!! OMGGGGG. . . OMG Ray entered Keno and I greeted him by jumping on him. . . well I didn't notice that Dad was in the room -_-;;; Well LOL. After that. . . it's posting time. Yeesh. This has been a day of ups and downs. . . but I'm still happy cause there's been a lot more ups than downs ^^;;